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Not Your Virgin Mary: The Top 3 Sex Tips a More Experienced Friend Gave Me

Every Woman New To Sex Should Read These Sex Advice Gems

I asked a more experienced friend the following: Give me the top three pieces of sex advice you think I should follow, knowing my evangelical Christian background and where I am now. The following are the three sex tips they gave me and my take on them.

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Sex Tip #1: Masturbate often, with lots of things, and in different ways.

You have anal, you have nipples, you have a clit, and you have the internal G spot. You can orgasm doing so many things and from so many types of simulation and masturbation. Porn can show you new ideas but also reading helps. Mental stimulation and breathing will get you there. So learning about things like tantric sex or mindfulness. Just focus on learning what your body wants first. Then you’ll always know how to ask and teach a partner.

My take on masturbation. Don’t we love it? I would like to say that’s the only part of my sexual side that I actually have experience in. I started when I think I was in elementary school. In the shower and with the bath faucet. I can’t remember, but I do remember the moment I got away with it on a pool jet at a friends’ house.

I remember being completely embarrassed thinking about it but I also remember the first time I got heated reading Twilight. Yes. Twilight. And that was when I discovered I liked reading smut. It wasn’t until I discovered Tumblr and other websites that I really found out what smut was. I still like to partake in fanfic every once in a while for my favorite tv shows. Hell, I might write some of my own one day. But when I saw Bridgerton this last year. Oh My. God. I don’t think I’ve checked out a book so fast. This was of course before I … ahem… had sex for the first time. So to say I related was an understatement. Growing up in a fundamentalist Christian household many times did feel like Bridgerton. And that scene where Daphne discovers what touching herself is like was so real for me.

Sex Tip #2: Nothing is taboo.

Social norms and society make the rules. But that’s just a sick and fucked up notion rooted in not wanting women to be pleased and homophobia and whatever. If you like girls, like girls! If you’re into trans people, go ahead! Love is a spectrum. People are people. A face is a face. A mouth is a mouth.

My take on nothing is taboo: Ok, this is something I needed to hear, or else I’d be doing missionary sex for the rest of my life. My most recent partner was actually into a little bit of BDSM and I freaked out. Not completely freaked out but I definitely did not communicate that I had never experienced that before. Of course, I knew some things. I know some of what I’m turned on by, or at least what I like reading about. Seeing is another story. Porn is not reality. So many times people say that. But it’s true. Porn is not reality. But there is some stuff out there that I didn’t even think about. I’m not slut shaming anyone or kink-shaming either. I like to think that I’m a very open and accepting person. I was recently asked to join a threesome. Idk if that proves anything though, but I am willing to find out. If I end up following through with it I’ll let you know.

Sex Tip #3: No means no. But don’t be afraid to say yes.

Know what is off-limits for you and when you’re doing something exploratory with a partner, it needs to be someone who is trustworthy. If you are trying kink and it goes left, you need someone who will respect time and space. If you’re triggered during sex, there is no shame. And no one should ever make you feel lesser than for crying., taking a break, zoning out, or whatever.

My Take on no means no. Whew. This is a big piece of sex advice to digest. Since I’m still so new to the dating and hook-up scene I feel like I’m extremely behind. like I’m making up for the lost time. So saying yes yes yes is a huge deal for me. I’m also a textbook people pleaser. I blame the gender roles of the church and how I pursued them in my younger years. I might not have had a ton of sex yet, but there have already been partners who have pushed boundaries. Things that definitely made me uncomfortable that I did not do a great job communicating with. I even asked a friend recently if I got Aziz Ansari-ed. Not a great thing to realize weeks after the encounter. That I should have said no, I really don’t like it when you do that or that I’m not comfortable with this act. It would have saved me from a lot of feelings of violation that hit me like a train weeks later.

I was never taught the concept of consent in the church. I was taught that sex was for marriage. I was taught that once you were married anything was fair game. Boundaries did not exist. That cannot be further from the truth. I wish I had known these 3 seemingly small but in fact huge sex tips and pieces of advice when I was younger. I would have felt much safer going into experiences and more confident in my current explorations today.

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