HomeBisexuality in RealityBisexuality In Reality: 15 Questions Bi Girls Get & Hate

Bisexuality In Reality: 15 Questions Bi Girls Get & Hate

Questions You Want to Ask Bisexual Women, But Probably Shouldn’t

I understand that for many people in both the LGBTQ and heterosexual communities, the concept of bisexuality can be confusing. In a world where people are most comfortable with sexual identities that are either gay or straight, the idea that there are multiple sexual identities that exist on a spectrum can be disconcerting and create fear and even anger. In an effort to grasp the concept of bisexuality; gay, lesbian, and heterosexual individuals alike have come up with some strangely similar questions that bisexual women, in particular, find themselves answering again, and again, and again.

Before you go and ask a bi girl any questions, watch this video and then scroll down to see if the answer is written below.

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15 Questions Bi Women Are Asked Repeatedly

Are bisexual women non-monogamous or polyamorous?

Sexual identity has nothing to do with the relationship style that a person chooses. Some bisexual women may choose to be poly or non-monogamous, just like heterosexual and gay individuals. Some may choose to be monogamous. That choice has nothing to do with their bisexuality.

If a bi girl starts dating another woman, does that make her a lesbian?

No. Who you date does not change your sexual identity. A woman doesn’t stop being sexually attracted to men, just because she’s dating a woman or non-binary person (or person of any gender).

If a bisexual woman starts a relationship with a man, does that mean she is heterosexual again?

No. In fact, many bisexual women are in heterosexual-looking relationships. I was married to a man for many years and most of the people in my life considered me heterosexual. This experience and the experience of being called a lesbian while dating a woman, are examples of bi-erasure. According to GLAAD, a national organization that fights defamation of people in the LGBTQ+ community, bisexual erasure happens when “the existence or legitimacy of bisexuality (either in general or in regard to an individual) is questioned or denied outright”.

Do you have relationships with women or are you just into women for the sex.

While sexual interest and romantic interest vary from individual to individual, the bisexual identity is the same as any other identity and includes love, relationships, and sexual interest.

How can a bi girl be monogamous if she is attracted to both men and women?

The same way anyone is monogamous when they are attracted to traits their partner doesn’t have.

Who is better at oral sex, men or women?

First of all, this is just a rude question to ask. Sexual performance has little to do with gender and everything to do with one’s ability to read their partner’s pleasure cues and communicate. Asking bi-women to judge any kind of performance based on gender, is just shitty. So please don’t.

Are you half gay, half straight?

Sexual identity doesn’t work like that. Being bisexual means being attracted to more than one gender. The best way I can explain it is that I am attracted to the person, not their parts. This is not measurable by gender. Attraction happens on a person, by person basis.

Are you going to pick a side eventually?

There is no “side”. I’m bi now. I’ll be bisexual forever.

This is just a phase, right?

No. Seriously though…don’t ask this question.

Isn’t being a bisexual woman easier than being a lesbian?

While I’m not interested in playing the “who’s got it harder game” because each identity comes with its own very real challenges, what I can tell you is that according to the CDC bisexual women experience depression, suicide attempts, and drug and alcohol abuse at a higher rate than lesbians or heterosexual women. Additionally, the CDC reports that bisexual women experience significantly higher rates of rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner compared to both lesbians and heterosexual women.

Are bi girls more likely to cheat?

No. This is a myth based on the idea that bisexual individuals just can’t make up their minds about whom they are attracted to (which is utter bullshit). There are no legitimate studies that show bisexual women cheat more or that sexual identity plays into why someone cheats.

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Annette Benedetti
Annette Benedetti
Annette is a writer, editor and photographer from Portland, OR. Her work appears in a variety of publications including Bust, Red Tricycle, Motherly and Domino. When she’s away from her desk she can be found teaching women yoga at wilderness retreats, exploring new cities across the states and hiking the trails at Mt. Rainier—one of her favorite places on earth.