Survive the Vice Presidential Debates with Cocktail Recipes that Get You Blasted
Tonight’s Vice Presidential Debates between Queen Kamala Harris and pence are likely to be less insane than the Biden/trump presidential debates…but who knows? What we do know, is that it’s probably going to take a lot to get through them without yelling at the T.V. and ranting to your co-watchers, the internet, and anyone who will listen about how sexist, racist, and horrible pence, trump, and the entire republican agenda are. That’s why I’m here to help with some cocktail recipes that promise to get you blasted fast.
That’s right, The vice presidential debates are at 6 PST, which means there’s not a lot of time after work to calm your nerves and prepare for another mind-numbing evening of blatant lies and racist/sexist agendas that will surely be put forth by the sitting vice president. While I fully expect Kamala Harris to own pence’s ass, there’s no doubt that a strong cocktail is in order to get me through the night. So without further adieu…5 Cocktail Recipes for you.
5 Cocktails Guaranteed to Get You through The Vice Presidential Debates
Death in the Afternoon
You need:
1 oz. absinthe
4 oz. cold dry sparkling wine
This cocktail recipe was invented by Ernest Hemingway, this will get you loaded. Stir the absinthe with ice in a mixing glass, then add the sparkling wine to the glass. Strain into a coupe glass. Kick it up by adding another 1/4 to 1/2 oz.
Aunt Roberta
You need:
2 oz. Absinthe
3 oz. Vodka
1 oz. Brandy
1.5 oz. Gin
1 oz. Blackberry Liqueur
Hold on to your knickers because this might very well be the strongest drink you’ll ever have. Stir all ingredients over ice until they are cold. Then strain into a chilled glass. Turn your phone off and don’t leave the house until morning.
Zombie
You need:
1 oz. light rum
1 oz. dark rum
1 oz. apricot liquor
2 oz. orange juice
1 dash lime Bitters
1 handful ice
1 oz. Bacardi 151 Rum
orange slice and cherry, for garnish
Tons of alcohol. Tons of sugar. Grab the ibuprofen. Combine light rum, dark rum, apricot liquor, orange juice, and bitters using a cocktail shaker. Pour into a large glass filled with ice. Top with the shot of Bacardi 151, then garnish with the orange slice and cherry.
Corpse Reviver No. 2
You need:
Absinthe, to rinse
3/4 oz Gin
3/4 oz Orange liqueur
3/4 oz Lillet blanc
3/4 oz Fresh lemon juice
Oh RBG, if only. This actually can have quite the opposite affect from what it’s name implies. Drink with care. Rinse a chilled coupe or Martini glass with absinthe and set aside. Add the remaining ingredients into a shaker with ice and shake.Strain into the prepared glass. Cheers!
The AMF (Adios Motherfucker)
You need:1/2 ounce vodka
1/2 ounce rum
1/2 ounce tequila
1/2 ounce gin
1/2 ounce blue curaçao
2 ounces sweet-and-sour mix*
Sprite or 7Up, to top
Garnish: lemon wedge
Garnish: preserved cherry
Oh how I hope to be making this cheers to trump and pence soon! But for tonight you’ll need to Add all ingredients into a highball glass with ice and stir. Top with Sprite or 7Up. Garnish with a lemon wedge and preserved cherry. *Sweet-and-sour mix: Mix 1 part sugar with 1 part water. Add fresh lime juice to taste.
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