BDSM Kink Tests & More
I have a Tinder date tonight. Well, it’s a second date, so a second tinder date. And let’s be honest, it’s not a date. It’s a second hook-up. We certainly had a fun time last time. And I’ll admit it, he certainly knew what he was doing. He was a little rough with me last time. I mean, I came so hard that I squirted.
We’d been talking on and off Snapchat when he began asking me things about preferences. Like, BDSM references. And I mean, I was a little shocked. I was shocked that he would send me a kink test, aka a BDSM personality quiz via Snapchat. And I was shocked that I was actually inclined to take it.
Look, I just started having sex literally last year. I can still count the number of experiences I’ve had on one hand. I don’t know if I’m ready for something that seems so advanced just yet. But I’m intrigued. Definitely intrigued.
My friends describe me as “not vanilla” but I don’t even know what vanilla sex is.
He certainly does not mind telling me what he likes. He is a self-described Dom. He’s explained to me that he gets pleasure out of pleasuring his partners. Ok. That much I get.
So I took the BDSM quiz he sent. He told me to send him my kink test results. Yeah right. Not before I send them to my closest friends and confidants. The kink test can be found at BDSMtest.org in case anyone was curious.
I’m not surprised by my results. I’ve told my friends I like it rough, but this kink test all but confirmed that I’m a switch. What that means is that I like it rough whether I’m the dominating partner or the submitting partner. Depending on the partner.
The quiz goes deeper than that but I won’t get into that right now. What I want to talk about is why the hell am I just now learning about all of this. Of course, I could have saught it out in my college days of discovering what porn was, etc, but I was so anxious about being discovered that I didn’t dare go further than simply searching “porn” on Reddit.
So why am I thinking of myself as an idiot right now? I should be thinking about all the ways that purity culture and repression have literally rewired my brain to the point of panicking when I think about sex too much.
There was recently a famous pastor named John Piper who, “denounced bedroom roleplaying: fantasized sin is sin”. As young Christians in youth groups, we were taught that even thinking about sin was a sin. It took me years of therapy to undo this mentally. There is literally a verse that states if your eye causes you to sin, you should pluck it out. If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. Between that and not being allowed to “lust”(think about sex), meyself and the horny teenagers from my youth were fucked from the start.
Never mind sinning outside of marriage. If kinky sex is sinning even inside of marriage, what the fuck can we do?
I’ve had sexual fantasies since I was probably in my teenage years. The amount of anxiety from repressing, hiding, and not vocalizing my desires would cause existential thoughts to occur such as, “If I am so sinful, I don’t even deserve to be alive.”
This is such dangerous territory. I was not alone in my thoughts then, and it’s relieving to hear that I am not alone in my thoughts now. I’ve been interacting with an account: Freaky Lil Christians recently on Instagram that actively works to undo so much shame and mystery that many Christians aren’t even allowed to question. Many times we’re just taught and brought up in fear.
I’m discovering that sex can alleviate that fear for me. One experience at a time. It’s literally like learning anything new. You figure out if you like it, and find out it’s not as scary once you try it. That doesn’t mean throwing caution to the wind. It means that you can feel free to explore with someone you trust. And if you trust your partner, they will likely want to help you grow yourself as well.