Nonmonogamy and its popularity is growing. In fact, according to data researchers pulled from a nationally representative sample of 3,438 single adults in the U.S., one in six (16.8 percent) respondents wanted to be polyamorous, one in nine (10.7 percent) have been polyamorous at some point in their lives, and of those who had been polyamorous, 30.4 percent said they would try it again. Being in a throuple is one of the types of nonmonogamous relationships that people are engaging in increasingly. So what is a throuple?
I recently interviewed married couple Ashley and Andi about their journey to going from being a couple to a throuple on my podcast Locker Room Talk & Shots. You can listen to, watch, or read the transcript from the interview below. But first, let’s dive into what a throuple relationship really is.
What is a Throuple?
A throuple is a romantic relationship involving three individuals. It is a term used to describe a committed partnership or relationship where all three people are involved with each other romantically and/or sexually. In a throuple, each person typically has an emotional and physical connection with the other two individuals, rather than adhering to the traditional notion of a monogamous relationship between two people.
Throuples can take various forms and arrangements, depending on the preferences and dynamics of the individuals involved. Some throuples may involve three people who are all equally involved with each other, while others may be hierarchal and have a central couple with a third partner who is involved with both of them but may not have the same level of connection with the other two.
Throuple Vs. Triad
The terms “throuple” and “triad” are often used interchangeably, but they can have slightly different meanings depending on the context. The following is a general distinction between the two:
Throuple: A throuple refers to a relationship involving three individuals who are romantically and/or sexually involved with each other. In a throuple, all three individuals have connections and relationships with each other, and the relationship is typically characterized by equality and mutual involvement. The term “throuple” is often used to describe non-monogamous relationships that involve three partners.
Triad: A triad, on the other hand, is a more general term that refers to any group or set of three individuals. In the context of relationships, a triad can refer to a romantic or sexual relationship involving three individuals. However, unlike a throuple, a triad can have different dynamics. It can include situations where two individuals in the triad have a primary relationship, while the third individual may be romantically or sexually involved with both of them but may not have the same level of connection or involvement with the other two. In this sense, a triad may not necessarily involve equal involvement and connections between all three individuals.
8 Facts About Throuples You Probably Don’t Know
From relationship dynamics to relationship configurations and legality, the following are some important facts about throuples:
- Relationship dynamics: Throuples involve three individuals who have chosen to form a committed relationship. All three individuals are involved with each other romantically and/or sexually.
- Consenting adults: Throuples are formed by consenting adults who have willingly chosen to explore a non-traditional relationship structure. It is important that all individuals involved are of legal age and capable of providing informed consent.
- Relationship configurations: Throuples can have various configurations. Some throuples have all three individuals equally involved with each other, while others may have a central couple with a third partner who is involved with both of them to varying degrees.
- Commitment and exclusivity: Throuples can be monogamous, where all three individuals are exclusively involved with each other, or they may have different levels of openness or non-monogamy, depending on the agreed-upon boundaries and arrangements.
- Communication and trust: Open and honest communication is vital in throuple relationships. Each individual needs to express their needs, desires, and concerns, and all parties must actively listen and respect each other’s boundaries. Trust is essential to ensure the stability and success of the relationship.
- Legal recognition and challenges: Throuples face legal challenges in many jurisdictions, as legal frameworks often recognize relationships between two people. This can affect various aspects, such as taxation, healthcare, custody, inheritance, and other legal rights and responsibilities. The legal recognition of throuples varies from place to place.
- Relationship benefits: Throuples offer the opportunity for increased emotional support, shared responsibilities, and a broader range of experiences within the relationship. The presence of a third partner can bring different perspectives, enhance intimacy, and provide additional support and love.
- Societal acceptance and visibility: Throuples are becoming more visible and accepted in certain societies, although social acceptance may still vary widely. It is important for individuals in throuples to find communities and support networks that understand and respect their relationship choices.
8 Tips for Building a Successful Throuple
Building a successful throuple, like any relationship, requires open communication, trust, and mutual respect. Here are some tips that can contribute to a healthy and thriving throuple:
- Clear and open communication: Establish open lines of communication from the beginning and encourage honest and transparent dialogue among all partners. Regularly check in with each other to express feelings, desires, concerns, and needs. Active listening and empathetic understanding are crucial in fostering a strong connection.
- Define expectations and boundaries: Discuss and define your expectations, boundaries, and relationship agreements as a throuple. This includes topics such as emotional connections, physical intimacy, sexual exclusivity, and potential involvement with external partners. Clarify what is acceptable and what is not, and be willing to revisit and revise these agreements as needed.
- Respect individuality and autonomy: Each person in the throuple should be valued for their individuality and have their autonomy respected. Allow space for personal growth, independence, and pursuing individual interests. Encourage open and honest expression of desires and aspirations, both within and outside the throuple.
- Nurturing the bond between all partners: Aim to foster a strong bond among all three partners. Invest time and effort into building emotional intimacy and connection between each individual within the throuple. Plan activities and experiences that allow everyone to bond and deepen their relationships.
- Conflict resolution and problem-solving: Disagreements and conflicts may arise in any relationship, including throuples. Develop effective conflict resolution skills and find healthy ways to address and resolve issues as they arise. Focus on finding mutually beneficial solutions and compromise, while also respecting each individual’s feelings and perspectives.
- Prioritize self-care and personal well-being: Each individual’s well-being is essential for the overall health of the throuple. Encourage self-care practices, such as maintaining personal hobbies, engaging in self-reflection, and seeking individual support networks. Taking care of oneself allows for a healthier contribution to the throuple dynamic.
- Seek support and community: Connect with like-minded individuals and seek support within the ethical non-monogamy or polyamorous community. Engaging with others who have experience in throuples or similar relationship structures can provide valuable insights, guidance, and a sense of belonging.
- Continuous growth and learning: Be open to learning and growing as individuals and as a throuple. Read books, attend workshops, and engage in discussions on relationships and ethical non-monogamy to expand your knowledge and understanding. Embrace personal and relational growth, always being receptive to new insights and perspectives.
Remember that every throuple is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. It’s important to tailor these tips to your specific circumstances and adjust them as needed. Regularly reassess the dynamics, needs, and goals of the throuple, and adapt accordingly to create a fulfilling and successful relationship.
One Couple’s Journey to Becoming a Throuple
You can watch my interview with married couple Andi and Ashley who share their personal journey from monogamy to becoming a throuple.
Read the full transcript below:
Annette Benedetti: 0:58
Do the sex. Hi, this is Annette Benedetti, your hostess for locker room talk and shots, the podcast that likes to think of itself as the queer NPR of raunchy women’s sex talk. You are about to sit in on the kind of conversations women have on their girls’ nights out or behind closed doors, while enjoying delicious drinks and dishing about sex. Think, fun, honest and feminist as fuck, and always with a goal of fighting the patriarchy. One orgasm at a time. Welcome to the locker room. Today’s locker room talk and shots topic is, from couple to trouble how one duo became a trio. We are talking about a relationship style called being a throuple. This is where three individuals are in a relationship.
Now, I’m sure many of you are asking yourself what is a throuple? and some of you might be thinking oh, threesome, I assure you it is not. By the end of this podcast, you are going to know what a throuple is, if you are interested in becoming a throuple, how you go about dipping your toe in the water And, of course, I’m going to make sure that you have tips and tricks to becoming a solid as possible trouble.
Well, I’m going to do my best, at least now for all of my male listeners whose dicks are getting hard right now. Imagine themselves with two women loving them and fucking them. Hold your horses, because my special guests today are two women, two women who dated another woman And yeah, so sometimes throuples don’t include well, cocks, but don’t worry. Don’t worry. I am confident that by the end of this podcast, whether you are a man, a woman, a they, a them, whatever you are and whatever your equipment is, we are going to clearly outline what a throuple is and how you can go about having one if you’re over standard monogamy.
Now my guest today I’m super excited to have here. You have met them before on a podcast I just did. It was the what. It was a pride podcast and we just talked about why we were proud to be queer. And I’m excited to do this interview because, from the moment I first learned of them, I learned of them through my friend, Courtney, who has been on this podcast. Just scroll on back to the podcast about scissoring, also the one about porn. I first heard of this duo through Courtney, who swiped right on them on a dating app and told me that there was this lesbian couple who were involved in the trouble. From the moment I knew of them, I wanted to interview them. I wanted to know what it was like to try and create a relationship style that includes three people. So my first guest is Andi, aka dad. Go back and listen to the pride podcast if you want to know what that’s all about. Andy, do you want to say hi, hi? You want to share anything about who you are?
Andi: 4:36
Well, i’m married to Ashley And we’ve been together for about two plus years and two and a half years, yes, yeah, and we started monogamous, and then we have slowly opened our relationship to different things, including being in a throuple.
Annette Benedetti: 4:53
Yes, so and you are some type, while you’re all the time called dad by people. Yes, so you may hear Andy referred to you as that. Just accept it. I did. It wasn’t that hard, it’s almost enjoyable. And Ashley no one calls you mom, right?
Ashley: 5:15
No, and I’m trying to get it to stick, but it’s not.
Annette Benedetti: 5:19
It’s okay, it’s all right. It’s all right. And can you tell everybody about you, you who you are?
Ashley: 5:28
Well, I’m Andi’s wife And, to be clear, you’re not a lesbian. No, I identify as bisexual, leaning more lesbian.
Annette Benedetti: 5:42
She likes the pussy best.
Ashley: 5:44
Yes.
Annette Benedetti: 5:44
Basically, but occasionally a dick slips in. Andy is our gold star. Didn’t we establish that before?
Andi: 5:52
That’s right.
Annette Benedetti: 5:52
All right. So there you have it, and we are going to dive right in now. I’m going to be clear. Well, we’ve been having some drinks. Ahead of this podcast recording, i actually created a theme to drink, which I haven’t done in a while, and it was called the Nympho. I tried to do one called the threesome, and then I tried to do one called the Southern Thrupple, but but it was too much for me and I’m not a good mixologist. So I thought, well, nympho, you know because of me, and it was awful. So I had to play with the recipe And basically I just added a whole bunch of fucking white clot and Andy and Ashley say it’s fan fucking tastic, right.
Ashley: 6:35
Yeah, it’s great. Yeah, but they’re just saying that because now, we’re all buzzed, so it did its job.
Annette Benedetti: 6:41
We’re just starting in on this conversation, having already done some cheers. But let’s do it. Let’s just like, do our cheers, cheers. Let’s talk about Cheers, throuples and probably sex, i am going to assume.
Andi: 6:54
I mean sex does happen in throuples.
Annette Benedetti: 6:56
It does happen in throuples. But let’s just start off with can you guys describe what a throuple is and differentiate it from a threesome, because I think a lot of people go straight to oh, it’s like a threesome And a threesome is, from my perspective, you feel free to correct me is, you know, three people banging and having sex. It’s not necessarily relationship related. So how would you define a throuple?
Andi: 7:26
I would say a throuple is more of a relationship status. So for Ashley and I we are married to each other And then we have a relationship with someone else where we’re actively dating that person. So it’s not just going out and having a threesome one time or maybe a few times and being done with it. It’s actually having feelings for somebody and having an actual relationship with them.
Ashley: 7:49
And I would also add that with the us dating them, it can be that we’re all dating at the same time, like going out the three of us, but also individually with that individual, but when you go out individually, you’re all still in a relationship together.
Annette Benedetti: 8:07
Yes, so the idea is that throuple is a three-way relationship Correct Where feelings are involved, I assume, and is a commitment involved of some sort.
Andi: 8:21
I don’t know if it’s really a commitment as much as it is like a respect, because if we were with somebody, it would be more like just letting us know if they went and had a relationship with somebody else. It’s not that they have rules per se, but they definitely owe us the respect of letting us know if they start having a relationship with somebody else.
Annette Benedetti: 8:39
You’ve been in more than one throuple, correct? Yes, two, two throuples. Do you sit down at some point once you enter that relationship and kind of lay out what the expectations are?
Andi: 8:53
I would say that for every relationship that we’ve had, throuple or not, it’s just making sure that we are very clear that we like communication. So it’s really important that if you are having feelings about something that you communicated, if you are feeling confused about something, that you ask about it, if you want to go outside of the relationship and do something, you just let us know. And it’s always everybody’s choice to kind of continue to be involved based on the information provided.
Annette Benedetti: 9:21
So you guys were monogamous with each other. Is that correct? Yes, what made you decide that you wanted to try having a throuple with another person? And, to be clear, you always wanted that with another woman, right? Yes, the gender mattered.
Ashley: 9:38
Yes. So it’s really interesting because I feel like we’ve been asked this question before, like oh, how did this start? And I go back to we were in the car on our way to go. I think it was like a camping trip, right, i don’t remember, you don’t remember. So we were in the car together, like in a long car trip, which I hate being in the car for a long period of time. So it was nice that we had this conversation and we somehow ended up on the conversation about like what being open looked like, or so I don’t really know who started the conversation. We just ended up there And then we realized that we both looked at it the same in that moment. And then we got back home and I think we were just laying in bed one night and we’re like so should we just start like a dating profile? And we’re like, yeah, let’s just do it. So I think that it’s really common that we get the question of like oh well, who pushed for it? I’m like neither of us. We just somehow ended up in the conversation.
Annette Benedetti: 10:52
I mean, don’t you think that’s important, though that it’s not just one person wanting that, because if one of you is like, oh, i think I wanna try and find a third partner for a relationship, and the other person doesn’t, Well, that’s a really key part of it, right?Andi: 11:09
You have to be on the same page. If you’re not on the same page or you’re bending to do it for somebody, then what’s gonna end up happening is you’re gonna be upset Because if you’re not meant to do it, you’re not wanting to do it, you’re gonna have resentment and there’s gonna be issues and jealousy and lack of communication. If you can’t say to your partner to start I don’t want to do this, you’re never gonna be able to communicate at the level you need to in being in a multiple-person relationship, because it requires a really high level of communication. When something comes up, to be able to say this is how I’m feeling and this is how we’re gonna get past it, this is how to deal with it and how to move forward, which is just like key.
Annette Benedetti: 11:54
Right. So you guys decide, hey, let’s put up a dating profile, and with the intention of finding a woman together. And what apps did you use?
Ashley: 12:08
I think we tried Bumble and Tinder.
Annette Benedetti: 12:12
What did you have more luck on?
Andi: 12:14
Tinder Bumble is more monogamous, so we had more availability on Tinder, but Ashley can talk more about that because I hate dating apps, so I was just like you go on there, you make the app, you put the photos up, you talk to the people, you just let me know when I need to meet somebody somewhere.
Ashley: 12:31
So I got to do all the swiping.
Annette Benedetti: 12:33
Oh, that’s exciting, Ashley, tell me how that went. So was your profile very clear that you were dating together. Now I have to imagine that made you a hot fucking item, I guess. I mean, i hope so. Did you match with a lot of people? Was it easy to match?
Ashley: 12:50
I’d say yes, we pay to see who swipes on this.
Annette Benedetti: 12:54
So you pay to see who all your matches are, so you know, what you’re getting into in advance.
Andi: 12:59
That’s a trick from somebody who hates dating apps, who doesn’t wanna swipe on people that are I’m spending time looking at them and they don’t have any interest in me. It’s like, well, why don’t I just look through the people who do have interest with me and then I can narrow it down from there just way faster.
Annette Benedetti: 13:13
Yeah, I think that’s a. So there you go. I tip up front, just pay the dues and know who’s interested in you, rather than hoping that someone is gonna be interested in you.
Ashley: 13:25
Who isn’t. Though you do have to actively swipe to make your profile present in, like other people’s swiping journeys.
Annette Benedetti: 13:38
Oh, okay. Well, that’s good to know. So tell me about some of the other dates. until you met your throuple, did you go on very many with the two of you?
Ashley: 13:48
No, we matched with an individual, we’ll just call her A. So I started talking with her and really we didn’t have like a whole lot of like deep conversation to begin with, it was really surface level. And then we just quickly were like oh, let’s meet you in person, and we went on a date with her at Gold Dust, meridian.
Annette Benedetti: 14:22
Oh yeah, Gold Dust Meridian’s a good date bar.
Ashley: 14:25
Yeah, We went on a date and we just we had a lot of like good conversation with her and it felt really natural.
Annette Benedetti: 14:38
And so in that day did you feel any equal interest in? was that something you were looking for? I can only imagine if I were going with my partner into this. I would wanna find someone that I’m like. Oh, they’re into both of us. Was that something you were trying to kind of feel out right off the bat?
Ashley: 14:57
Yes, so I typically am more attracted to masc presenting women, and that was a little bit of a journey for me to kind of figure out what it looked like to be with feminine presenting women. Because A is feminine, presenting Yes, yes, but she is a very, very beautiful person and there’s nothing wrong with feminine presenting women. I think they’re very beautiful. It’s just that that wasn’t my natural. I just I’m not naturally like drawn to feminine presenting women. So I had to kind of figure out what that meant for me and where Andy is more drawn to feminine presenting women and not into mac presenting women. So we did have to kind of figure out what that looked like.
Annette Benedetti: 15:48
How did you figure that out? Now see, i swing all over the fucking map Like I just really do, and I can attest that A is indeed a gorgeous individual. But how, yeah, how do you?Ashley: 16:05
work that out, if well, I had never tried it before And so, where I was nervous, I’m like, well, let’s just give it a try. That’s the only way you find out, and I think, because she’s just such an amazing person, it was really easy to be like. Oh no, I am attracted to her very much so.
Andi: 16:23
I think that both of us kind of realized because, you know, my preference is someone who is more femme presenting And her preference is someone who’s more mask presenting, is it? both of us kind of had to realize through this journey is that really, ultimately you’re attracted to who the person is? And I had to let go of some of my ideas of who it was I was attracted to, and she had to work harder than I did, even because we were actively with somebody who was feminine presenting. But even for myself it’s just like realizing that it’s not, that’s not everything.
Annette Benedetti: 16:57
When you went on the state, was there an immediate? did one of you have more of an attraction or more of a connection first? So to be clear with listeners, a is someone that they eventually end up having a throuple relationship with. So this is sort of the inception, the birth. Was there one person that had more of a connection than the other out of the two of you?
Andi: 17:27
I would say at first no, it was very equal. I think A did an excellent job at making sure that if she had some sort of bias towards one of us which I don’t know that she did, but if she did she kept that very neutral and made sure to be very careful about how much attention she gave each one of us individually and that she had interest in both of us and found us both attractive in just different ways.
Annette Benedetti: 17:59
Was that a fear you guys even had or talked about? Like, oh what if she likes one of us more? Did you find any insecurities about that bubbling up?
Andi: 18:08
Not with her specifically. I don’t even know that we had thought that far in advance at that point to have that discussion. As time went on, we talked about all sorts of things. We talked about every possible scenario that could come up, and it was just processing, processing, processing on making sure we were prepared. If this happened, then what would we do? and make sure we were on the same page and we knew how the other one felt, and then we agreed on what was gonna happen.
Annette Benedetti: 18:33
It’s interesting that you say you had this conversation in a car and then you’re like fuck, let’s just like do this. And you put this profile up. At what point did you stop and say to yourself and maybe it was in the beginning, maybe it’s partway through are you doing this because something’s lacking in the relationship, Like, why are you looking for a third And what are the things that can go wrong with a third? Did you ask yourself that question in advance, Like, were you looking for a throuple because something was missing?Andi: 19:07
That’s what I would say be careful of, because there can be a variety of reasons in which someone, specifically a couple, choose to be in a threple or be open in general, is that there can be something missing in their relationship that they’re looking for to fill. And I’ve been on a date with someone that I went with and she had a fiance and a wife and I just felt like you have a fiance and you have a wife, and now you’re looking for a girlfriend. What is happening that you’re not filling, fulfilled with all of those people. And so that’s like maybe my own thing too, because you have to kind of realize there’s all the societal things that we think something has to look a specific way. But I know for us we weren’t trying to fill anything and we’ve always said this to each other from the very beginning, which is when we’re in a relationship with someone else, it’s a bonus to what we have going on. It is not to fulfill something that is missing.
Annette Benedetti: 20:07
One of the reasons why I’m glad that I waited as long as I did to interview you about this is because, of course, i’ve gotten a chance to know you both And I can attest that like from and just from my perspective. Obviously I don’t know what goes on in their bedroom Well, i do, because I’ve heard a little bit about it but like I don’t know. I have. I know some shit. It’s sexy, but like I don’t know, obviously, the inner workings of your relationship. Only the two of you can know that. But I can say in my life’s experience from the outside, viewing your relationship, in comparison to how I’ve viewed other, as specifically monogamous people like you do seem to generally have just a really solid foundation. It doesn’t feel like when either I’ve seen you guys in relationship with a third person or other people or with each other, like anything is missing. It’s more of just yeah, an addition to your life that you guys share. And I just it’s hard because I do know a lot of monogamous people who are so intent on monogamy being the way to go, cannot understand why, if you’re happy and in love with someone else, why you would need to add someone to it And Well, you know, ait actually said something to me one time about how, when we’re children, we have a village.
Andi: 21:44
Right, it’s always the sayings It takes a village to raise a child, but why, when we become adults, do we lose that? And I feel like that’s the same way. You have more than one friend. Why can’t you have more than one person that you love and have a relationship in that way?
Annette Benedetti: 22:01
Yeah, I agree with you. All right, so we’ve got that out of the way. Now, at what point do you start saying, oh fuck, like we need to talk about, like potential things that might pop up, because it sounds like that was that after you started to go oh, a is gonna be someone that we date.
Ashley: 22:20
We started off with a lot of I wouldn’t say rules, but a lot of boundaries.
Annette Benedetti: 22:28
Can you share what those boundaries were from the get go? Oh my gosh, it’s been so long List off some boundaries that you started with.
Andi: 22:36
Well, I’ll say I think that, like, at first it was just like, and for each couple it would be different, but for us it was just like okay, something that maybe seems more advanced we would wait on. So for right now, when we first started, you know, we might have rules of we can do these particular sexual acts.
Annette Benedetti: 22:54
Like what could you do? I wanna know what they were doing.
Ashley: 22:59
Actually, now that I’ve had, you know, 20 seconds to think about it, I think one of the first boundaries or rules that we had was that we were gonna date this, that we were gonna date eight together and not have individual dates at first. We didn’t do that for about three months. Yeah, it was a while, Yeah, it was about three months. So I’d say that was like the first hard rule boundary that we had The sexual acts. Well, they didn’t start for three months.
Annette Benedetti: 23:36
Oh, you guys didn’t bang for three months.
Andi: 23:39
No, and you know what? I think it’s because we were so new and I think A was feeling very careful of wanting to make sure that she was very respectful, she knew where we were at that we were new with it. I think even she was feeling a little bit nervous herself. She’d had experiences, but hadn’t had a relationship like we ended up having before either, and so it was just like, as we went along, we were just kind of communicating about where we were at And it was just stuff like you know what, maybe for a while we wait to use the strap on with this person, like let’s just wait, that’s something we only share.
Annette Benedetti: 24:17
Oh, who gets to use the strap on? Well, neither one of us did for a while.
Andi: 24:26
But I don’t remember who used it first to you. You did, oh, okay.
Annette Benedetti: 24:33
Are we all shocked?
Ashley: 24:35
I actually, now that I think about it, i never used. I received from A, but I never gave.
Annette Benedetti: 24:45
Oh well, that’s well plot twist on that one, so all right, so it started out. Strap on is saved for us Any other sex rules.
Andi: 24:58
Well, I think we just had kind of relationship rules. Some of them were like that, some of them were like you know, like Ashley was mentioning, of not doing individual things. I think it was to protect ourselves from being worried that we would have be unequal between people. And then in time, we just kind of realized, like Ashley and I have a large amount of trust And so we know that even if one person connects better with somebody else, that it’s okay. We’re gonna come home at the end of the day or the next morning and still connect to the same level as we did prior. And so once we kind of learned, that was just took some time, like we were just scared. Honestly, it’s just like something in society you don’t see a lot, we didn’t know how it worked and we were worried about it. And you also have people who are telling you what are you doing by opening up your relationship? Aren’t you opening yourself to just be hurt? And eventually you kind of go no, this is actually an added bonus for us And that’s not what’s happening. And then we could relax on the rules And I would say now we actually don’t really have a lot of rules.
Annette Benedetti: 26:09
And there’s still a happy couple of folks, all right. So you go on the first date. You don’t fuck for three months, which I totally risk.
Ashley: 26:17
We didn’t even kiss for like two months Yeah.
Annette Benedetti: 26:22
That was also I respected.
Andi: 26:26
I’m just saying, We also only saw a like once a week at max, sometimes it was two weeks between. She’s very busy, she has her own life, she has two kids and a husband And a very demanding job, so she was very busy and not fully available. Some people might think, oh, like three months, that must have been like 50 dates.
Annette Benedetti: 26:50
That wasn’t that way Right right. Okay two months you kissed Wait, it was a three-way kiss Like yeah, how did that fuck? That’s just all right, that like. so what is the first kiss? look like in a throuple.
Ashley: 27:04
If it were up to me, it would be like all three of us kissing at one time. It’s weird, It’s weird.
Annette Benedetti: 27:12
I’m not saying this. Have you done a three-way kiss ever?
Ashley: 27:15
Yeah.
Annette Benedetti: 27:16
How does it? is it sexy?
Ashley: 27:18
I think so, no, no.
Andi: 27:20
No Well there you got your answer, folks.
Ashley: 27:25
Yeah, so I think the first time we kissed A was at our annual Christmas party. Right, is that right?
Annette Benedetti: 27:39
Yes, i don’t know. You don’t remember the first kiss I?
Andi: 27:43
remember the first kiss, but all I remember was standing in our living room. Like I have an idea of where we were at and what it was like, but I don’t remember the day leading up to it.
Ashley: 27:54
We had tried to. Well, we had it in our mind. We went out for Halloween, So we met A in like mid-October and then we went out to like a Halloween pub crawl together and we had discussed that, okay, we’re gonna kiss her at the end of the night and see what happens. But at the end of that evening we had went back to our house where our housemate was home in the living room which she never is and she had been drinking that evening and was just super talkative, and we ended up walking A out and the patio light was on and it just didn’t seem like the right moment. So neither of us felt like confident to do it in that moment. We’re just like, okay, bye. And so then I don’t really know what happened in November we just like we’re developing such a great relationship with her that we just kept getting more and more nervous. Well, actually I did. I kept getting more and more nervous And this one was just like I just want it to happen already. This is taking too long, and I’m like, well, then, make it happen. Like don’t wait for me, just make it happen for yourself. And so then it was our annual Christmas party and A definitely stayed to kind of like wait for everybody to leave, and I think you both kissed first.
Andi: 29:21
Yeah, I kissed her first because I could clearly tell that A wasn’t going to make the move. And I think that’s fair because there’s two of us and just trying to be careful. I understand Ashley was like you wouldn’t guess this about her, but she’s too scared to make the first move. So it was already discussed between her and I that it was on me And so I was like, okay, I usually don’t have too much of an issue with this, but in that situation it was so nerve-wracking for me because now all this time had been built up and I really liked A and I knew Ashley liked A and I was like, oh my God, if this doesn’t work out, then like I don’t want to like lose this great connection with this person And so I was very nervous. Plus, there was like multiple times in which we like going to kiss and then it didn’t happen, And it was just like I was getting frustrated. I was like I just need this to happen now.
Annette Benedetti: 30:15
So you made the move I did, And so you kissed her. and then what did you swoop in on it.
Ashley: 30:22
Yeah like after. And that was really strange because you know one person has to just kind of like stand there and watch, and watch.
Annette Benedetti: 30:35
I’ve been in that position a lot.
Ashley: 30:43
So now I think if we find ourselves in a thoruple situation, we’re much better at it Where like They aren’t taking applications right now, but No, not right now. But like where? while one is kissing that like, we either like remove ourselves, like to not be just standing there watching or touching the individual in a loving way while the other one’s kissing them.
Annette Benedetti: 31:15
Yeah, it seems like it’s gotta be kind of organic.
Andi: 31:18
I don’t know.
Annette Benedetti: 31:19
Like you know. So it was an awkward but wonderful first throuple kiss. Was it wonderful or awkward?
Ashley: 31:30
I think, awkward for all of us, because it was like what? like I think all three of us were like what do we do?
Annette Benedetti: 31:37
So you got it out of the way and then did that just automatically open the door for more intimacy, slowly, yes, slowly. So you didn’t have sex that night? No, all right, I’m such a fucking hussy, all right. So two months in, you get your first kiss, and it was kind of romantic, it sounds like, was it? it sounds like there was definitely some romance going on, which I think is adorable and wonderful. Also for the third person who is dipping their toe, I can only imagine A’s position. So two months at three months, you do go to the bedroom.
Ashley: 32:22
Yes.
Annette Benedetti: 32:22
Do we get to the bedroom?
Ashley: 32:23
Yes, I just remember feeling really like excited and nervous and scared.
Annette Benedetti: 32:32
Did you guys just agree ahead of time to do all say, hey, we are going to bang on this date, let’s just do it, or was it more?
Andi: 32:39
No, actually the very first time was A in myself alone. What No.
Annette Benedetti: 32:46
No, Oh wait No.
Ashley: 32:49
No, No, it was when we went to East 45 and it was like it was a little bit of a failed attempt.
Annette Benedetti: 32:59
God, I love this story. It just keeps getting better. Do you remember East 45, Andy?Andi: 33:08
I remember, you know, it may be because, like at one point, i went with A to a conference that she did in another state and Ashley was out of town and so she was encouraging me to just go.
Annette Benedetti: 33:22
You said, in the beginning, you had a rule about not going alone.
Ashley: 33:25
Yes.
Annette Benedetti: 33:26
So at this point you guys were just like fuck something, this has got to happen.
Ashley: 33:29
Well, because the night that we went out to East 45, it was really late We had all been like out the whole entire night and we definitely were like, okay, we have to. At this point We just have to. We had a range that she was staying the night with us and that was the first time that we all like got naked together. But it was just. It was awkward for like all three of us. It was a new, scary thing. How did it fail?
Annette Benedetti: 34:00
You can’t just say you all got naked together and it failed.
Ashley: 34:04
So here’s the thing We had party favors that evening that unfortunately, as you’re coming down from said part, you already favors. You all get very dry, yeah.
Annette Benedetti: 34:19
Okay.
Ashley: 34:20
And all three of us experienced it, and so we were trying our best and we really wanted to be in the moment. And then all three of us together were like I don’t know if this is working, and we’re like, oh, thank God, we’re all feeling the same thing. So it wasn’t a lack of like, not wanting to, or it was just that it was.
Annette Benedetti: 34:42
Where’s the loop? Where’s the fucking loop For?
Ashley: 34:46
whatever reason, because this is when we were in between living with each other. You were like out of loop at that time.
Annette Benedetti: 34:53
It was awful, oh so. So for my male listeners, this is going to be a glorious moment for you, because I’m always bashing men and their lack of loop. But I mean, sometimes we vulva owners also forget the loop. So there was no loop. And when there’s no loop and there’s no wetness, sex just doesn’t happen, fair enough. And so you high five, you cuddle and go to sleep, and now you’re like, okay, well, someone’s got to fuck, we’ve got a throuple and fucking has to happen. So, Andi, you’re like, hey, andy, go with her on this trip. And Andy is like I’m going to take one for the team, I’m going to do it, I’m going to slide into her vagina.
Andi: 35:39
So yeah, I think at that point it was Ashley taking one for the team by being very supportive of me leaving. I was very nervous about it, which is probably why it felt like it was the first time. But I went and I stayed three nights in a hotel with just myself. She was busy and I had other things I had to work on, so I was kind of doing my own thing and she was doing her own thing during the day for the most part, and then her and I had individual sex two of the three nights.
Annette Benedetti: 36:15
And the first night or the second night?
Andi: 36:17
the first and the second night. I think by the third night we were both tired, And so we didn’t.
Ashley: 36:23
How did?
Andi: 36:23
that feel Ashley
.\Ashley: 36:26
It was okay because, i think because there were three months leading up to that time, and also because, even though it was a failed attempt with the three of us, it did open the vulnerability to a, and so I just I really trusted her and I felt really comfortable with her, so it was okay. I’d say we had a lot of check-ins in that whole entire weekend, more than what we would now, and that just like helped.
Annette Benedetti: 36:59
How did it feel to you Andy?
Andi: 37:02
Well, I definitely had my moments of am I doing something right? Am I blowing up this really amazing relationship I have at home by sleeping with someone who is married and unavailable to be something more than that? And so and when I say more than that, I mean more than a secondary relationship And so I definitely had my concerns because it was just so new and I didn’t want to do anything wrong. But, you know, Ashley was very supportive of me leaving and going and, in fact, even found me in my flight and was like here you go, purchase this and go. And so I felt like I was fine, but I definitely still had to keep checking in with her, like, hey, are you doing okay? Is everything okay? And the funny thing is, is that instead of actually being not okay, which was my concern she was texting me going. What happened? Tell me the details, what’d you do? Send me videos.
Ashley: 37:58
Yes, I did request that and they failed both. We sent you photos. Photos are not the same.
Annette Benedetti: 38:03
They aren’t the same. They aren’t the same. They’re nice, but not the same, all right. So now we’ve we’ve done the sex, the sex has been done. We are now three months in. Right, we’re three now The sex has happened And at this point or it seems like you’ve established a relationship You’re a seamless person regularly. How long did this relationship last? a year.
Andi: 38:32
Yeah, just over a year, I think.
Annette Benedetti: 38:34
And I assume after that you guys started like having sex altogether. Apparently, the dildo, the strap on did come out. Yes, All sorts of configurations happened.
Andi: 38:48
Yes.
Annette Benedetti: 38:50
What’s your favorite configuration? Oh, that’s a really hard question All right, give me a couple, come on. Come on, i’ve got more booze to give you, if that’s what it takes.
Andi: 39:00
That’s such a hard question because there are so many good ones. I would say it’s just like a matter of finding something where everyone is comfortable, because some positions and things like I’m not someone who wants to receive from a strap-on, so like that’s kind of out for me. So just finding like if one person wants to receive that way and someone else is like able to go down on somebody else at the same time.
Annette Benedetti: 39:26
Draw me a picture. Okay, thank you, I know my favorite.
Ashley: 39:30
All right, okay, so my favorite is watching Andy give in any way to A or to anyone in our threesome history. While I’m able to like, please myself and watch.
Annette Benedetti: 39:53
Oh, you’re a watcher. You like to masturbate with a toy? Yes, your fingers, no, with a toy. With a toy, yes, well, she straps it on or does whatever to another woman. Yes, that is my favorite. Huh, I could see that, and do you like that?
Andi: 40:12
I really like that.
Annette Benedetti: 40:12
You like being watched?
Andi: 40:14
Yeah, I think for me, being watched is kind of like I could take or leave it kind of thing. It’s not to me. it’s not like, oh, I’m being watched, I’m being turned on, but watching, actually be turned on by watching me, that is going to be, that’s a piece. It’s not just like, oh, I could go to a sex club and people are watching me and I like that. It’s very specifically watching her be happy.
Ashley: 40:35
Oh, that’s kind of sweet Yeah, and we usually have eye contact with each other in that moment not the entire time, but for parts of it And then that really like locks us into that moment, right.
Annette Benedetti: 40:48
Right, okay, what configuration where you’re all physically active? do you guys like the most? Like engage with each other?
Andi: 40:59
Well, I think that’s kind of the thing about being in a throuple is that, whether or not that happens really naturally or not, and so with some people it can just be like you just flow, one person’s like this is what I want, and the other person says this is what I want, and you just do it and you go and it’s like easy. And then sometimes there’s times when it’s kind of awkward and you’re like I don’t know, what do you want to do? I don’t know like, what do you feel comfortable with? And you have to have this like awkward conversation in the middle of it, which doesn’t happen as much with one on one, because it’s way more complex when you have another person in there.
Ashley: 41:35
Right.
Andi: 41:36
And then it’s a matter of like does somebody want to watch? Does someone want to be watched? Does someone want to be doing? Does everyone wants to be doing, wants to be receiving, wants to be giving? who can do both of them?
Annette Benedetti: 41:49
This brings me to a good question. So when you’re in a throuple, is all of the sex always the three people together? No, What would you say, once you’ve established your relationship percentage-wise, how much of it is quote three some sex and how much of it is like just you know, different individuals in the relationship being intimate one on one?
Andi: 42:13
Maybe 50%, altogether 25 and 25. Sound about right.
Ashley: 42:18
No, I think I’m more like 10% individual.
Andi: 42:22
Yeah, ashley doesn’t enjoy the individual as much as I do.
Annette Benedetti: 42:27
Ashley likes the group sex. Yes, this does not surprise me at all. Not at all.
Ashley: 42:38
But if I’m dating somebody on my own, then I do enjoy the individual sex with.
Annette Benedetti: 42:47
I don’t know. So for anyone out there who now, in the past or in the future, is dating Ashley individually, she likes what you’re doing, just fine.
Ashley: 42:58
But also, we can do group sex Yeah.
Annette Benedetti: 43:03
Oh God, I so get that All right. so you’re in it, you’re having sex, but let’s just be clear This is a relationship. it’s not all about what just happens in bed. Of course, I like to talk about that stuff, but how does this begin to extend outside of the physical intimacy aspect for you guys?
Andi: 43:23
Well, a, specifically, was very involved with our friends and even developed her own relationships with some of them where she would spend one-on-one time with them, just like you would with your primary person. they would go have their own relationships with your people. at least in the lesbian world that’s how it is. Maybe not in the straight world so much. But you know, in all of my relationships I’ve had where my significant other has had friends, and then I’ve developed my own relationship, and that’s very different with the throuple, where someone comes in and then it’s like a girlfriend. You know she was our girlfriend and she came in and she made these relationships with everybody And that was really great because we got to bring her into our regular everyday life.
Annette Benedetti: 44:10
So it was a relationship, folks, and it ran its course. You are no longer in a relationship with A, but you are still friends with A. So can we talk about what led to the end of that relationship a little bit?
Andi: 44:24
I think that what ended up happening was we kind of got into the groove of just being friends. It just kind of naturally progressed in that direction And there were a variety of things that kind of happened. I think that ended up making it that way. But both of us cared so deeply for A that we were very scared to lose her as a friend, because I know for myself, out of all the people that I love which I love a lot of people I really love to love my friends and all of my relationships. I’m just a person who really likes to have that type of connection with people. But A was somebody that I have probably loved the most of people in my life, one of the top people. So I was very concerned that if we moved it to without a title of a girlfriend, that we might lose her, and so it took a while of lots of communication of just saying, hey, this isn’t, it looks like we’re moving into friends And so maybe we should just be friends, but being very careful to make sure that she understood that we still cared very deeply for her And that it wasn’t any sort of slam on who she is or our relationship with her. It was just kind of naturally progressing in that direction.
Annette Benedetti: 45:45
And you two were in agreement. In a throuple can one of you break up with the third person and the other person not, I assume that’s individual to.
Ashley: 45:57
You know the couple dating, but in your situation I feel like we’re at a point now where, if one’s not into it, that we just meet each other at that, and if one checks out, we both check out. It’s hard to go back on the A situation because it’s not that either of us checked out, we just naturally found our way there.
Annette Benedetti: 46:21
Right. so you were both in the same place at the same time. So it was easy to have that natural end on your end And I think what I hope listeners get from this is that the progression of that relationship is much like the progression of kind of any relationship, monogamous or not. You have some that carry on and you have some that you’re just like oh, this isn’t clicking in the way that we need it to. But that wasn’t your only threple, Because when I met you you were in a new threple. Yes, yes, We’ll call her L. How long after did L come along?
Ashley: 47:00
Two months, two months, And initially she came along as Andi was dating her solo.
Annette Benedetti: 47:11
So after A you guys decided to like try dating solo. So, guys, they have definitely tried different relationship styles. But so, andy, you started dating on your own. You meet L, and how did that end up being a throuple situation?
Andi: 47:30
Well, we kind of agreed after A that and I will say I think it was more actually that wanted to date individually, and I think that was just some of the dynamics that happened. It was just like what might be better is that you go find what works best for you and I’ll go find what works best for me because when we went back to the drawing board trying to find somebody together, it seemed impossible. A was a very special situation that worked for both of us and we were really worried that that wasn’t gonna happen again. And so, specifically, Ashley was like I don’t think I wanna even try to find that again, I just wanna go do my own thing for a little bit. And, if I’m being honest, I was a little upset about it. I didn’t want to date on my own, I wanted to only date with her because there’s just something special that you get when you get to share your partner with somebody and that you get to share somebody else with your partner. And so I was very fearful and a little resistant for a little while and Ashley went and she dated her own and she was by the time we met. I met Elle. She was dating two other people.
Annette Benedetti: 48:46
And I was Ashley was dating two other people-.
Andi: 48:49
Yes, little hussy, But I was feeling maybe a little pressure to find somebody and I’m a little busier than Ashley I’m working on a master’s program and so I don’t have the free time that she does And there was a bit of part of me at first I had to work through of. But I’m staying home and doing homework and she’s dating two people and I had to kind of work through that. So while I figured out how that made me feel, I also was feeling agitated with the dating apps. Ashley actually swiped for me and found Elle and said-. That’s so sweet, go on a date with her. And I was like okay, and so I did. Then and Elle told me in the beginning she’s like now you’re married, does that mean that you’re looking for somebody with your wife? And I said no, right now we’re dating individually. But I did express, but I’ll tell you honestly, i would prefer to do this with her. It’s just not an option right now. She’s doing her own thing And then her things kind of didn’t work out. And then one night Elle came back with me to the house and we just all ended up hooking up.
Annette Benedetti: 50:03
Oh, were you already banging Elle at this time? I was Okay, so you’d been having the sex. Yeah, and the sex was It was great. And she comes back to the house and she sees Ashley and she’s like well, we had spent the evening out together, right. Yeah, with friends Had some drinks, yes, and she was like why not? Yeah, let’s see how it goes, Well well.
Andi: 50:27
Yeah, it just kind of naturally evolved after that point where Ashley was involved occasionally. And then it got to the point when we had actually gone out of state with her and she asked me something, and I don’t remember what it was, but I said Ashley would totally date you. It was like, whatever the question was, and she said, oh, should I ask her to be my girlfriend right now? And I was like sure, and so then she did.
Annette Benedetti: 50:57
And so that’s kind of the inception is when someone said when it is clarified I’m dating you and you and we’re all agreeing that this is happening. How long did you date Elle for?
Ashley: 51:09
Three months Three months.
Annette Benedetti: 51:12
Yeah, moved a lot faster with her. You obviously had learned a lot from your previous relationship. That’s when I met you. You were in a relationship with Elle and it did appear to me to be fairly serious?
Ashley: 51:26
Was it serious for you? I think it was getting too serious too fast on Elle’s part for you guys. Yeah, So Elle was a single woman and her availability was a lot, endless.
Annette Benedetti: 51:47
Yes, the polar opposite of A.
Ashley: 51:50
Yes, i’m not saying that’s a bad thing, it was just a bit much.
Andi: 51:55
I think it really was like when you date someone who’s your primary person, you can be in charge of their entire social calendar and that’s okay because you wanna be with them all the time. But, as having a secondary person, you wanna be with them like a decent amount but there’s not quite that same open availability. And Elle didn’t have any social calendar outside of us And so if we’d say, oh, we’re gonna go out in a group, there was no break. She was available all the time And she worked 12-hour shifts and even after her 12-hour shift she would still be willing to hang out. And I was like don’t you wanna take care of yourself and your dog? that’s been home alone all day. But she was just so eager and available that after a period of time that started to get taxing.
Annette Benedetti: 52:51
When you broke up with Elle. You were both on the same page with that. That was a breakup that you did together.
Ashley: 52:58
Yes, I didn’t have the conversation with Elle because I’m not the one that first started dating her And I don’t wanna be part of the breakup conversation, So she had to handle that.
Annette Benedetti: 53:10
But we agreed on it All right did she check in with you to be like am I broken up with you too?
Ashley: 53:17
No, she didn’t. Andy did a really good job at handling that conversation. I did a follow-up text message to Elle to say I know that Andy had this conversation with you. Take the time that you need to process and heal from this and hopefully we can end up friends, which is how both of us looked at that.
Annette Benedetti: 53:40
Yeah, yeah, are you friends? No, your approach to being a throuple is hierarchical, is that correct?
Andi: 53:48
Yes.
Annette Benedetti: 53:49
Right, okay, But not everybody’s approach will be that way, right? Just to clarify. I mean, this is one couple’s journey. Do you think you will always adhere to a hierarchical relationship Style? I think so yes can I ask you why?
Andi: 54:09
well, I can speak for myself and what I like about that is it’s a little bit of security. I will always know who my number one is and I will always know that I’m number one to her. It doesn’t mean I can’t have other relationships that are important, that I can even love and I can even care for, and I can even be there for them when they have significant things happen in their life. If, if the person that I’m dating right now were to call me and say something really terrible happened and I need you right now, i would tell Ashley Hey, i’m gonna go do this and I might even be gone for a period of time making sure that this person is okay. So it’s not that I want to minimize the secondary relationships, but it’s. It just puts an importance on our relationship and making sure that we are solid first and that the people that are secondary come second.Annette Benedetti: 55:03
So this is a great segue into like tips, tricks, like how to make trouble work. Technically, Ashley has the power of veto right for you. So let’s say you’re dating someone and Ashley Feels that person’s like a flaming piece of shit and can’t get over it. Technically, Ashley has veto power and, to be clear, Andi has the same power over Ashley. This is not a one-way situation, I just use that. This is a two-way situation. So for the two of you, it’s ultimately super important that you trust that neither one of you would abuse that power right and we’ve in in In ways, have used the, have used that power.
Ashley: 56:01
Andy did date an individual that refused to meet me, and that was part of the journey of figuring out we need kitchen table poly because I didn’t. I didn’t do well with knowing that, that I need to know who’s fucking my wife.
Annette Benedetti: 56:21
Yeah.
Ashley: 56:22
I need to be able to have like that relationship and that trust established with that person. So that’s important to me. And then I wouldn’t say that Andy used her Power of veto. But I knew that there were some difficulties with an individual that I was dating It was a, a male, And where she never asked me to stop dating this individual. I knew that there was just more. It was just it was just more difficult. We weren’t fighting or anything about it, I just knew that it was. It was harder for her and I didn’t want to put our relationship through that and in that time. And so I stepped away from that relationship and Agreed that. You know, I don’t need to date men And Sometimes like I’m open to it but I don’t need it And I just don’t feel like it was the best. It wasn’t the best situation for our relationship at the time right?
Annette Benedetti: 57:26
It’s something that you felt like her feelings were reasonable. So that’s, I think, a big piece. You’ve got to have a partner that you trust, to respect the power that they’re given in the relationship, and You have to be adult enough to like not use whatever power you have to sabotage your other partners. You know Relationship with said person. Do you think you’ll ever look for a throuple again? You are not, I know that. So you’re currently not in a Threple. You are both currently dabbling and dating other people. I am curious about whether You kind of yearn for that trouble situation to come into fruition in your life again.
Andi: 58:16
I would say that what we’re probably looking for in the future is more We have our own individual people that are happy to be involved occasionally With the other one, because it’s a really fun thing to do and, like I said, it’s something very special to be able to share. But it is really hard to be able to make everyone involved Happy and have all the connections be equal and have everybody fulfilled, and so it can be easier if you just do things on your own and then also get that fun on an occasion. So I think for us, that’s more what we’ll probably be moving towards in the future. However, that’s not the case for everyone and there’s a lot of really fun things about being in a throuple, so It’s not to really discourage people from choosing that path. It’s just more like, i think, for us we found that to be more difficult and, that being said, if the right situation came along, we would absolutely be open to it.
Annette Benedetti: 59:18
Who do you think a throuple would be?
Andi: 59:20
good for Any couple that wants to open up from the traditional monogamy would be a great candidate for it if they are open to realizing what their emotions are, being able to identify them and openly discuss them, respectfully, with their partner. Because it is going to happen. It doesn’t matter how evolved you are. You’re going to experience Jealousy and some sort of level. It just happens. We’re human and it’s okay. I think that there’s a lot of shame in our society with feeling jealousy. Jealousy is a very natural thing, and so it’s more. Just saying I feel jealous, this is what’s happening for me, this is what I need for me right now and this is how to move forward. And just making sure that you’re Regularly checking in and communicating, being on the same page, making sure, before you go out and do things, that it’s very clear What your boundaries are, so there’s no expectation being maybe abused, even on accident. Yeah, no surprises. Yeah.
Annette Benedetti: 1:00:33
No surprises.
Ashley: 1:00:35
I think that’s a big one in any nonmonogamous setup but also understanding that sometimes surprises are going to come and there needs to be a safe space to like deal with those when they happen. Yeah, everyone’s gonna make missteps along the way and you need to trust in each other that you can like Discuss it and recover from it. It shouldn’t just like a misstep, shouldn’t be like okay, now This is over. You Did something wrong. You need to be able to grow from that.
Annette Benedetti: 1:01:06
I Love that, Ashley. I mean, I feel like that actually should be taken into every relationship style monogamous, non-monogamous. Like missteps happen. I’m shocked at how many people say things like I would like break up with my husband of 20 years if he kissed someone else. Like seriously, like what the fuck? Yeah, I mean, I mean, people do, missteps happen, things happen, shit happens, life is messy. People who want to dive into trying out a throuple what? How would you advise them? get started? Just slap together that profile.
Ashley: 1:01:44
Yes, tinder, and pay the $20 to see who’s swiping on you.
Annette Benedetti: 1:01:53
Also, I want to add in be upfront in your profile about what? you’re asking for, I think something that happens a lot is people do the spay and switch thing.
Ashley: 1:02:04
Mm-hmm.
Annette Benedetti: 1:02:04
They make themselves look single and then they’re like oh, by the way, I come with a partner and I think people really just appreciate it when you’re open From the get-go. Yeah.
Ashley: 1:02:15
I think it is hard as a couple looking for a Unicorn, so I’m not quite sure how we got so lucky or how to like approach that.
Annette Benedetti: 1:02:30
Because that is it is hard because that’s really Ultimately as a couple that you’d be looking for like a unicorn, yeah, but I think you got lucky because I think you, i think Lesbian couples looking for a unicorn is a unicorn of its own kind, like people are like holy shit. to women looking for a third, fuck Yeah I guess for the heterosexual couple.
Ashley: 1:02:55
I think, like if I were to put myself in the position of being a unicorn, if I were looking at a couple, I would want to establish a relationship, probably with the woman, first, before exploring what it looks like with the couple. So I think that for heterosexual couples That’s what maybe that would be the tip for them to start looking, looking for, that is, that the woman needs to be open to having a relationship with another woman established first, before then introducing the guy, the guy yeah, I feel like that’s True, because sometimes it can feel like the woman’s be being used as bait for the guy and be clear that that’s what you’re looking for Is a relationship. If you’re really just looking for a hookup, go to sex clubs right?
Annette Benedetti: 1:03:51
So to be clear, a unicorn just for sex is a threesome. A Unicorn for a throuple is a full-on fucking relationship, meaning you’re getting to know that person, you’re taking them out on dates, they’re entering your life, you’re having a three-way relationship with them. Are there any last things you want to leave listeners with? I?
Andi: 1:04:15
would say, no matter if you’re the third person joining or if you’re the couple looking for the third person, really evaluate the other person or people’s intentions, because if you are a third person joining a couple and that couple has intentions of, I Am being forced by my partner to be open or I lose them. You need to be aware, as that third person, of what you’re getting yourself into, because it can be dangerous for you and your feelings. I watched a friend get involved with this and it was not a good situation Where that couple really just didn’t. They just weren’t working together anymore And they were pulling somebody in and then it just made it a big mess. So be careful of what that couple in that situation is, is Looking for. And then also, if you’re a couple and you’re looking for a third person, be careful about what it is their intentions are. Are they someone who’s going to respect your relationship and allow you the space to Have your primary relationship, or are they someone who’s coming in trying to be like hey, I found a couple on the dating app, but I’m super interested in one of you and now I’m gonna play all these games to try to separate you And I’ve also seen friends do that. So you just, I would just say, be very mindful of what people’s intentions are. It’s not to say everyone out there is doing something bad. I’m just saying the Minority of people out there can be up to no good, and so just make sure you’re protecting yourself or your primary relationship by being fully aware of what people are up to.
Annette Benedetti: 1:05:57
Yeah, I like that. What about you, Ashley?
Ashley: 1:06:00
I Communication is like. I think another thing that has to be really like focused on for The couple that’s going into it. They have to have Really like everything needs to be transparent. There has to be a lot of open communication And there also needs they need to create a safe space for each other Within that to be able to communicate Everything and know that it’s not gonna blow up.
Annette Benedetti: 1:06:27
Right, all right, i think we covered it. Two different trouble experiences for them. Now you know how they went and What a trouble is. If you want to give it a try, we’ve given you our summary. We are gonna come back. I’m telling them we’re gonna come back and we’re gonna talk about some other configurations They’ve tried in their relationships and how that’s going. I think kind of once you step outside of monogamy, then you realize like There are lots of awesome options. So Thank you for coming and sharing your most intimate stories with me. I know you’ve got a lot more And I want to hear them all, and so until next time I’ll see you in the locker room. Cheers Ring loop.
