Wear a mask! Here’s a Little Guide to Help
We all know we should be wearing a face mask, and that it is mandatory while in public spaces. Still, there are people who are either completely disrespectful about their role in the prevention of COVID, or are just ignorant fools who have lost rational thinking. And I don’t know how many times I’ve gone out into the world only to see people wearing a mask in a way that defetes the purpose. If you don’t want people looking at you with judgment or in amazement at the backwoods ignorance before them, then read on and light the torch of wokeness with these do’s and don’ts of donning a face mask. I have gone ahead and included pictures because let’s face it, the dumbing down of western civilization has been dumping upon us like an avalanche in the last four years.
Do Clean Them
Let’s think about this for a moment. I wear a mask to prevent the microbe pesky germs I carry inside from escaping and hitching a ride that infects another person. If they are not escaping, where do you think they are? That’s right, they are trapped in the woven fabric upon your face. Unless you want these things festering and growing a colony in this piece of material you are wearing (disgusting isn’t it), you should be cleaning your fabric mask regularly to ensure that there is not a recreational version of Valley of the Dead in microbial form being placed upon your face.
Do Wear Them Over You Nose
One of the best belly-busting laughs I get is seeing someone wearing their mask with their nose hanging out like a boner in a speedo. I am not quite sure how these individuals think these COVID droplets are spread, but newsflash, it’s not just by way of your mouth. So please for the love of Mother Earth, wear your mask over your nose. And if you want to tell me it stinks, then please go back and read the previous section you skimmed over just like Trump did with his Ethics textbook in college.
Don’t Cut a Hole in It
The new worst thing I see that those intelligent beings that I share oxygen with are doing is making a hole in their mask to eat and drink through. I mean where do I even begin? You are creating a hole over something that is being covered for a reason, what do you think you germy little air droplets will be doing when you aren’t shoving food in your face or drink down your gullet? If you think about the purpose and how the masks works, and have a 5th-grade education (maybe even lower), you should be able to conclude that making a hole in them will defeat their purpose.
These are not Chin Diapers
Nothing screams sophisticated intelligence more than an individual walking around the grocery store with their mask settled on their chin like a wee little diaper. Note my sarcasm and eye-rolling? If you didn’t, then I would go all-in on betting you find yourself in public wearing a chin diaper. Please enlighten me, have we seen a mutation among ourselves where people are developing tight little anuses on the bottom tip of their faces? Is there some gateway to our inner being located on our chins that I am unaware of? If the answer is “no” to these questions then we are seeing the movie “Idiocracy” becoming a reality right before our eyes.
Ghosts Are Immune: No Mask Needed When Riding Alone
This is to the people I see cruising down the freeway in their car alone listening to NPR with a mask on. Just who are you protecting from your contamination? Ghost? Guardian Angel? Skin mites? I mean all these things are not at risk so you can let yourself breathe freely. Unless maybe you are embracing the face covering as the hottest fashion trend of 2020, then by all means carry on.
Use Your Brain
Really, if we all just use our minds to think about what a pandemic is and what purpose face masks have in the prevention of spreading this nasty bugs, we should be able to wear them appropriately. We all don’t put our shoes on our hands, do we? Of course not because we walk with our feet and thus it is our feet that need protection from the hard, cold, possibly jagged surface we are walking on. So go out there with your “Fuck 2020” mask from Etsy on your face, over your nose, and without a hole and live the best life you can in a world where everything seems to have gone to shit…well,except for the parts of Mother Earth that have had some healing with humanity quarantined.