HomeSex & RelationshipsAsk the Goddess: Safe Sex

Ask the Goddess: Safe Sex

Staying Safe in a Brave, New World

Fun AND Safe Sex

Dear Goddess,
How can you be promiscuous and still be safe? Like, how do you work in a casual condom reference if you are having sex with a new person? Without killing the mood?

Divorced and Dating
Zillah, WA

Safe Sex

Always Wrap it Up

Dear Divorced and Dating,

There is nothing sexy about unsafe sex. Trust me when I tell you that a blistery, painful, oozing herpes outbreak is not sexy. A wart growing off of your labia is not sexy. The smell of bacterial vaginosis: you guessed it, not sexy.

It’s super hot and sexy, though, when a woman packs her own condoms: latex free or old-school, different colors, ribbed for her pleasure, French ticklers, or bright glow in the dark. And, don’t forget your favorite delicious, flavored lube to accompany them!

A woman who is confident, into her partner and prepared for safe sex, is not only smart, but also appealing. One of the reasons that young men are attracted to ”cougar” women are because they love that no-nonsense, “I know what’s up and how to deal with it” attitude!

So, when things start getting hot and bothered, and you know it’s going to go in that direction, just get the condom ready. This is a no-brainer. Everyone knows about condoms and their importance. Sure, some guys don’t want to use them, but tough shit. Make it a prerequisite that, if they want to get jiggy wit it, they need to glove up. We women have this gorgeous, special anatomy that locks it in like nobody’s business, so we’re somewhere in the neighborhood of three times more likely to get an STD than a man.

Safe Sex

6 Helpful Safe Sex Hints From the Goddess

Some things to think about in your pursuit of promiscuity…

  1. People aren’t always honest about their sexual history or exposure to STDs.
  2. Many people aren’t even aware that they carry STDs.
  3. Condoms are far from foolproof. It is a good idea to explore the area visually and by using your olfactory senses. The good old-fashioned sniff test, if you will. Your nose, your eyes, and your intuition are excellent investigators, and will yield good results when listened to. And no, I’m not suggesting taking a magnifying glass to their privates. But, perhaps, a little kissing and foreplay before intercourse, as part of the discovery session, will help you determine if it’s safe!
  4. Great sex is determined by a great connection. Sometimes it’s just a sexual connection and other times it’s mental or spiritual. Know that you are worthy of having a fabulous, multifaceted connection, and that you are bright enough and intuitive enough to know who qualifies for your standards!
  5. Trust your gut, girl. If something feels off, don’t be afraid to shut it down. You never, ever, EVER have to complete something that has started just because it’s been implied that you will.
  6. Get tested at least every six months. And if you get serious (aka monogamous) with one of these blokes, you both should get tested and then wait 3 months, test again and if all is clear then it’s safe to go bareback!

Have a fabulous and safe time exploring all the aspects of yourself in full, enriching, and lusciously orgasmic ways!

With love,

The Goddess


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Melanie Sargent
Melanie Sargent
Melanie Sargent is a BodyMind Therapist who lives and practices in the Santa Cruz/Bay Area of California. Nearly a half century of colorful relationships and abundant friendships encouraged Melanie to research and learn from many resources and mentors about how relationships work and what makes them thrive, and even how to disengage from them when they are no longer serving you. A Clinical Hypnotherapist, Master Practitioner of NLP, Counselor, Minister, Massage Therapist, Theta Healer…. Gads, all sorts of intangible pieces of the education puzzle that mostly have come together to explain the mysteries of life. Or not. Nature always wins and there’s always a new variable to shake up the status quo! Let’s puzzle this out together as we use all of our disposable guidance! For more information, check out