HomeHeauxly CoitusHeauxly Coitus: What is Heaux?

Heauxly Coitus: What is Heaux?

Introducing Ms. Heauxly Coitus & Her New Column

Hey. How do you introduce yourself in a new column where you’ll be sharing salacious stories from your heaux phase that you’re currently in? 

To be a heaux is to engage in consensual sex or no sex at all, be kind to your yourself and partner(s), creative, fully embodied, unapologetic, powerful, and free.

I already don’t do well introducing myself. Ever. In any context. It’s just so presumptuous and egotistical. And awkward. And now, I must tell internet strangers about me and my lady parts and the shenanigans I’ve gotten myself into over the last three years.

Here’s the thing. I’m currently based in the Land of Soy Sauce. Far far away from everything that I’ve ever known. I arrived here with two suitcases, a Sprouts recyclable bag, a King Soopers plastic grocery bag, a backpack, and a whole bunch of problems and feelings I didn’t know how to deal with. I was tired of America and my life and my student loans and having to pretend I was cool when I was just a broke-ass Black girl with a ton of college degrees and a bunch of rich white church pseudo-friends who paid the down payment for their fancy-ass condos with their parents’ money. I was tired. Life wasn’t fair. So I left. 

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I started therapy.

And six months later.

I started fucking. 

So maybe I should start there. Or here. Ugh, this is hard! (Penis reference?)


Let’s start over.

Hi. Hello. Salutations. I was a Purity Culture virgin until 31. First kiss was at 30. And now I’m 34. And I’m really really reaaalllyyyy not a virgin now. 

I’m an academic. I have college degrees. I taught at a couple universities. I’m a badass. I’ve traveled the world. I’m a minimalist and I live in my tiny palace. I have a Tinder account. I have opinions. I’m hilarious only if you’re paying attention to what I’m saying. I’m a writer. I’m a storyteller. 

And somebody besides my neighbor needs to know the naughty, naughty details of my heaux phase. Cuz these stories are In. Sane. My favorite coitus things are very vanilla. I don’t know how to do a lot of things. I know how to do some things. I love sex. A lot. And I love the crease of my thighs. And my lady parts are very temperamental. Last, I’m always horny. 

I think about sex all day every day. It’s not my fault. I was deprived. 

I stay at a healthy level of disgruntled, horny as fuck, sleepy, annoyed, enraged at the patriarchy, grumpy, and ready for the next peen. 

I’m here to tell you the stories. To share the reflections. To share my rants. To tell you how I got here—to wherever and whatever “here” is. To give you my therapy lessons I paid for for free. To let you know that you are so very normal. That sex and fucking and heauxing and having a body that does weird and hilarious and disappointing and gross things is all very normal. That desires and wishes and dreams and aspirations and guilt and shame are all very normal. That you are great. That sex is great. That not having sex is equally great. 

Join me. I’ll be here twice a month. With a story. With some eyebrow-raising details that would put my career in jeopardy if anyone ever found out who I was. 

All of these narratives are 100% true. Not a single detail is made up. Heauxing in the land of soy sauce is wild. And great. So very great.

~To be a heaux is to engage in consensual sex or no sex at all, be kind to your yourself and partner(s), creative, fully embodied, unapologetic, powerful, and free.~

Greetings. My name is  Ms. Heauxly Coitus.

It’s nice to meet you.

Until next time,

Ms. Heauxly Coitus

For Heaux Merch: heauxlycoitus.square.site
For Heauxly Coitus Podcast: anchor.fm/heauxly
Instagram: @heauxlycoitus
Come listen to heaux stories and share yours on my pod: anchor.fm/heauxly

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