HomeSex & Relationships10 Healthy Alternatives to Breakup Sex

10 Healthy Alternatives to Breakup Sex

Sex with Your Ex & The Breakup Sex Phenomenon

If you’ve ever gotten your heart broken by the end of a relationship, chances are, you’ve experienced breakup sex. Did you know that studies show that  27% of young adults report having sex with an ex within a two-year period after the end of a relationship? Additionally, one in four married couples who are separated continue to have regular sex and 14% of people who have gone through a breakup say that their ex is someone with whom they were previously in a relationship. If you are currently considering having sex with an ex, you are not alone.

What Studies Say About Sex with an Ex

July 2020 research study dug into the breakup sex phenomenon in an effort to better understand it. One study identified how past breakup sex experiences made the people involved feel versus how they predicted they would feel in the future, and the other looking into why men and women engage in breakup sex in the first place. What these studies found might surprise you.

  1. Men are more likely than women to feel better about themselves after breakup sex.
  2. Women were more likely to feel better about the relationship after having breakup sex.
  3. Most breakup sex appears to be motivated by three main factors: relationship maintenance, hedonism, and ambivalence.
  4. The most common reasons to have breakup sex include: the need for good sex, conflict over how the individuals involved in the relationship feel about the person, and/or because they think there is maybe a way to salvage things.
  5. Unsurprisingly men tended to have more hedonistic and ambivalent reasons for having breakup sex 

Is Breakup Sex Healthy

While the answer to this question is a mixed bag, the following are some of the consequences, good and bad, of having breakup sex.

It Can Lead to False Hope:

If you are broken-hearted and hoping to salvage the relationship, sex with an ex can be misleading. It may make you think there is hope, where there really is none. Especially if one individual is in it for hedonistic reasons.

Breakup Sex Can Set You Back

If you’ve been struggling to get over the relationship, breakup sex can undo the emotional progress you’ve made toward healing.

Oxytocin is a Dangerous Drug

Oxytocin the cocktail of hormones released during sex can cause you to feel happy, loving and comforted, even when you don’t truly feel that way about your ex. These hormones can make it hard for you to access your true feelings about having sex with your ex.

Breakup Sex Can Help You Get Over Your Ex

In some cases, breakup sex can actually help you get over your ex! If the sex is bad or it reinforces your negative feelings, it can be the nail in the coffin.

The bottom line is that research and therapists both agree that breakup sex can be both toxic and healthy. Whether it will be toxic or healthy is situational and up for you (and your therapist if you have one) to decide.

Sex Toys That Are Better Than Sex with Your Ex

If you are trying to avoid sex with an ex that is toxic, try investing in sex with yourself. Give yourself the gift of a daily orgasm through masturbation with these sex toys. I highly recommend them.

Kurv, G-spot vibrator, sex toy

KURVE by Hot Octopuss

If you like vibes, this is the Ultimate G-Spot toy for you. KURVE features patented dual-motor Treble and Bass technology™, offering the ultimate in user customization. Imagine having access to 25 treble and bass vibe combinations! This toy boasts a soft gel tip that provides a broad surface area and ergonomic contours that ensure the right kind of pressure just where you want it. Your G-spot is gonna love this toy. Get ready for all the OOOOHHs!

Cost: $129.95

tiger g-spot vibrator, better than men sex toy

Tiger by Fun Factory

You won’t miss his D with Tiger in your bed. The powerful, penetrating, rumbling vibration this g-spot stimulator delivers will satisfy you in ways you never imagined. The TIGER delivers, with a design that offers deep, bass-tone vibration from the base to the tip. Curious about the TIGER’s ridges? They create a rippling sensation every time you move this better-then-men toy in or out. So, you experience incredible sensations with every thrust, and without any extra effort.

Cost: $139

Note: Use my discount code SELS20 for a 20% discount at checkout!

We-Vibe Nova 2 sex toy for spring

We-Vibe Nova 2

Breakup sex has nothing on what this toy brings to the table. This app-enabled rabbit-style vibrator is Designed for constant clitoral contact. Nova 2 flexes to deliver powerful vibrations to the G-Spot and clitoris simultaneously. I love this because of its cool and unique design as well as the dual stimulation. The add app-control function is a bonus as well.

Cost: $159

valentine's day gifts for her, lady bi vibrator

The Lady Bi

You may very well decide this vibrator is better than sex with your ex. A dual motor vibrator built to reach the P spot, the Lady Bi provides deep, strong rumbling through the shaft and the clit stimulator is soft enough to keep her bean from getting too sensitive while providing sweet vibrations. Penetrative masturbation helps keep vaginal walls strong and as you age, it keeps women from experiencing vaginal atrophy. I use this baby regularly. $#159

Note: Use my discount code SELS20 for a 20% discount at checkout!

AER By Dame

You don’t need your ex to experience amazing oral sex! Clit suction toys will do the job. The Aer by Dame is a powerful clit sucking toy that gets the job done. I love this clit sucking toy because of its wide mouth. The Aer creates thrilling pulses of air and a soft seal around your clitoris, so you can go all the way, right away. 

If you haven’t experienced wave technology, now is the time. It creates rhythmic pulses of air that mimics the flutter of a tongue and the suction of a mouth—kinda. It literally goes down on you better than a man.

Cost: $95.00

Use SheExplores10 at checkout for 10% Off.

sex toy used for masturbation may

The Laska By Love. Not War.

I love this toy for clit play and internal stimulation. It’s literally a 2 for 1. This eco-friendly sex toy is a sustainable twist on the infamous rabbit and packs all the punch of a larger toy and is perfectly shaped to massage your clit or hit your g-spot while also being green. The charged base can be used on other Love. Now War Toys.

Note: Use discount code SELS20 for 20% Off

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Annette Benedetti
Annette Benedettihttps://sheexploreslife.com
Annette is a writer, editor and photographer from Portland, OR. Her work appears in a variety of publications including Bust, Red Tricycle, Motherly and Domino. When she’s away from her desk she can be found teaching women yoga at wilderness retreats, exploring new cities across the states and hiking the trails at Mt. Rainier—one of her favorite places on earth.